Stories by Horizon Visitor, Page 1

            Mediocre stories by 涯客 (or sometimes 漄愙), chock full of enough ambiguities, colloquialisms and dropped pronouns to challenge even the most accomplished students of the Chinese language. We have attempted to render the text into intelligible English, but cannot vouch for the accuracy of the translations. Your suggestions and corrections will be gratefully accepted.

11. Porridge Festival
12. Rookie Con Man
13. Speaking of Chief
14. Unexpected
15. Who's a Perv?

1. Changes
2. Debauchery
3. Disparity
4. Entangled
5. Equipment Speaks

  6. Fortunately Creative
  7. Grandpa's Car
  8. Lawsuit
  9. Old Cow
10. Onlookers

​​         Chinese Stories in English   

1. Changes (变)

      When I was young, the two of us little bare-bottoms grew up together.
      When I was in my twenties I called him Young Zhao, and he’d put his arm around me tightly when we went out partying. He was always showing off and strutting around in front of the girls. He said I was silly.
      When I was thirty I called him Old Zhao. He asked if he was really that old. Things turned around when he took up with a pretty personnel clerk. In his eyes, I didn’t exist.
      When I was forty, at a company banquet I raised my glass and said, "Drink up, Manager Zhao!” He looked around the whole table and smiled, very happily. To me he said, "Yes, drink up!" I was drunk. He smiled again.
....
      One day he ran into me at the bathroom door. He had no way to avoid me. "That thing with your nephew,” he said. “It’ll be scheduled tomorrow!" He walked slowly away as he said that.
      But I stood there, dreading....

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2. Debauchery (色胆包天)

      A top-rated co-ed came to X Company. Cow Two and Iron Egg didn't much care what college she'd gone to.
      The two of them pretended to be on a break and sat down in front of the top-rated co-ed.
      "
Dream of the Red Chamber has the line, 'The makeup hides her awesome youth, I sense her laughter before her ruby lips part.'" Even that half-wit Cow Two could still quote poetry. Then he started in on some doggerel, "When a girl doesn't show she's hot and slender, the boys won't wanna be looking at her."
      "Looking sideways, ridges become peaks, their height and distance are the same." Iron Egg also an evil grin on his face.
      "Looking from the front, you'll die from awe at the size of the forces; Looking from behind, a million males will be lured to fall." Cow Two made a stalwart effort to go along with Iron Eggs, not willing to be left behind.
      "Ha, ha, ha...."
      "Stop, stop.... Look how she's got on two layers of clothing up top? And such a hot day." Cow Two deliberately tried to sound out Iron Egg.
      "Fool, a hot day is only part of it." Iron egg raised his voice.
      "Look carefully...."
      The two of them couldn't stop laughing.
      The top-rated co-ed turned and spit out "It's hailing."
      "On a hot day in June? What the…?" Cow Two and Iron Egg said together, chuckling, when they finally got their voices back.
      "Good Lord, defectives!" The girl got up and left.
      Cow Two and Iron Egg stopped laughing right away, and sat there stupidly....

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3. Disparity (落差)

      Iron Pillar, security guard. Today is his first day on the job.
      At noon, Iron Pillar detained a guy he caught red-handed "swiping another person’s credit card”, but he shouldn't have. The guy was the Assistant Manager’s cousin and, what’s more, it was the Assistant Manager’s credit card. The Captain of Guards blew his top as soon as he saw what Iron Pillar had done. Then he very respectfully and circumspectly took the card to the Assistant Manager without delay. The Assistant Manager’s face darkened and he laughed slowly. He told the Captain to manage his men better. “Special attention must be paid to the job!”....
      That afternoon, an incident occurred while the Captain was on a five-minute bathroom break – the boss came strolling in from outside in plain clothes, which was “unprecedented”. Iron Pillar stopped him in his tracks and refused to let him in. "If you have business here, you’ve got to register.”
      The boss said to Iron Pillar, "You got a lotta guts!"
      The Captain came rushing back and hurried to smooth things over. With a forced smile on his face, he told Iron Pillar, "Register my ass! This is the boss!" The boss stopped the Captain with a quick wave of his hand, then left.
….
      The Captain called Iron Pillar into the training room. Both happiness and sadness showed on his face. Speaking tepidly, he told Iron Pillar: "You’re going to be on duty in the back. You’re a hothead. Today was your first day on the job and you were crude and impetuous! If you keep on like this, sooner or later you’ll screw everything up. Understand?"
      ".... But, some of them.... Well...." Iron Pillar replied awkwardly.
      "Ignorant people don’t realize their mistakes. But you’re not cool and collected. You do things rashly...." The Captain gestured for Iron Pillar to remain quiet. "You’re not stupid. Jeez, how can there be such a big disparity?”
      "Uh, disparity...?”

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4. Entangled (纠结)

      A fat man and a little guy in the Warehousing Department were in a fight –– it was about an unfair split of money. A group of people had gathered around at once to watch the idiots.
      With his big belly sticking out, the fat man was chewing out the little guy. "You punk! I shouldn’t have brought you from home just so you could earn a couple of bucks!”
      "What? What are you blustering about, acting like a big shot? We’ll do this one for one!"
      "Great for you, but no go!"
      "It’s obvious, then! It’s all about that twenty yuan. Well, I’ll give it to you!"
      "The money’s no big deal. It’s what you were thinking. You pissed me off!"
      “Fuck off!”
      The fat man was through talking and went for the little guy like a hungry tiger pouncing on its dinner. The little guy was agile and dodged out of the way, but he tripped. The fat man stumbled and almost ended up with his face in the mud.
      When the little guy saw that the fat man was resorting to violence, he had absolutely no scruples about throwing brotherhood to the wind. He straightaway laid hands on the man and, “whoosh”, started swinging. The fat man’s left shoulder immediately turned blood red.
      Some of the onlookers protected the fat man. Others held the little guy back and advised him to run.
      The crowd understood a bit of what had happened. It seems that a big truck had just been unloaded. The trucker paid two hundred yuan and left. The small guy and a third fellow had unloaded half the truck before the fat man had come to take part.
      The third fellow had been in charge. He said it was physical labor and the money should be divided impartially. He gave eighty yuan each to himself and the little guy and forty to the fat man. The little guy wasn't in a position to say anything about it. The third man was laughing as he took his money and walked away.
      The fat man got madder and madder the more he thought about it, and he took it out on the little guy. He felt that the little guy hadn’t been a good enough buddy. Everything had been rosy when they were back home, but now the guy had turned against him.
      Everyone was worked up about it. They wanted to stop the fight and patch things up.
      "Hey, hey! What’s up?" A voice came rolling out from the boss's office. It was a familiar voice, and one which carried more weight than any other around this place.
      "You both make plenty of money. If you don’t want the job, then get the hell out of here! Go get rich somewhere else. I won’t stop you! Or else the blood’ll be flowing from both your heads!”
      The boss waved his hand. Then he took out two packs of Lotus King cigarettes and passed them out to the crowd.
      The fat man and the little guy were ashamed. They let loose of each other and stood up straight, without saying a word.
      Someone whispered, "You two should both admit you were wrong."
     Fat man and the little guy just stood there, hemming and hawing. The boss, smoking his cigarette, got very angry.
      The boss was tossing the empty cigarette packs back and forth in his hands. "Bam", he threw them to the ground. He looked up and said, "Two packs of Lotus Kings. Worth sixty yuan. I just gave them to these guys!
      "This thing between you two isn't worth a fart, and you're fixin' to draw blood?"
      "Here's thirty for each of you. Take it!" The boss handed them the bills.
      The fat and the little guy looked at each other, smiled in embarrassment –– and refused the money.
      The two came to some realization. The little guy helped the fat man walk as they turned and went away slowly.

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5. The "Equipment" Speaks (看“装备”说话)

      "Hey, Big Forest, you really arrogant?" Little High said as he punched Big Forest's shoulder, laughing.
      "What? Just being cool. You got somethin' to say, say it. Don't be flippant!" Big Forest had turned sideways when he was hit. He called Little High to account as fast as he could spit it out.
      "Look at the 'equipment' you got on you today, heh, heh." Little High giggled slyly, keeping Big Forest in suspense on purpose.
      "Just say whatever you've got to say. You tryin' to cause trouble?" Big Forest's head was in a fog. He was looking at Little High's impish manner like a tiger looking at its prey. He was very much on edge.
      "Don't think you're cultured just 'cause you got a pen in your shirt pocket; don't think you're civilized just 'cause you got two pens; don't think three pens make you a literati; and four pens don't make you a stationer...." Little High blabbered away, not very logically. It was just drivel, and he said it with a nasty smile.
      Big Forest subconsciously touched his pocket, and sure enough there were four colored drafting pens lined up ready to draw something. He had to have them because drafting uses colors to call attention to things.
      He'd made a trip to Book City today and had forgotten to unload his "equipment". No wonder those two kids wearing school uniforms at the side door of the bookstore had stared at the heavy plastic bag in his hands and laughed as they asked with curiosity, "Sir, do you have drawing pens to sell?"
      Even worse, a security guard came over with his eyes wide open and scolded him in a loud voice, "Get lost! You can't sell things here!" Big Forest had looked over his shoulder at the throng behind him but hadn't seen anything unusual, and walked off stupidly as the crowd thinned. What a downer!
      Now, by a stroke of luck he'd gotten an explanation from Little High. He had a sudden realization as the memories piled on –– "Me, Big Forest, have I been reduced to an itinerant pen vendor? Everyone saw my 'equipment' talking. How shameful!"

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6. Fortunately Creative Idea (幸福的创意)

      A young married couple and their son, who has just turned one year old, live downstairs.
      One day I was passing through the downstairs courtyard and saw the young mother busily washing clothes. Her cute little boy was zipping around in a training walker, wandering here and there almost as though he’d had a bit too much to drink. As I was watching the little tyke, entranced, the walker suddenly slipped off toward the stream that flowed alongside the courtyard ––
     "Hurry, ma’am, your son’s over there beside the creek!" I rushed over but could see I wouldn’t get to him in time, the distance was too great. I was just halfway to him when the walker stopped abruptly, about two meters from the edge of the stream.
      I was amazed. Could this child have possibly understood the meaning of “fear”? I rushed excitedly over to where the walker was and reached out, almost dropping my glasses in the process, and made a major discovery –– It turned out there was a very strong, light gray nylon rope secured to the walker’s frame. The other end was tied to the root of an evergreen tree in the courtyard.
      I laughed so hard I bent over double –– Wasn’t this tree the place where Old Yang tied up his dog?
      The young wife had had a creative idea.
      She walked towards me, drying her hands and laughing, and motioned for me to sit down. I could see the happiness in her smiling face, bursting forth like a flower in bloom. Then I took another look at that cute little bundle of mischief. He truly is fortunate.

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7. The Embarrassment of "Grandpa's Car" (“老爷车”的尴尬)

      Since he missed the pick-up time for international express air mail, Big Forest had to drive the van himself to send the samples. He was going as fast as he could toward the Express Department at the airport.
      Suddenly a police car roared past him. It got in front of him and abruptly slowed down. Another police car matched his speed on the left.
      "Good Lord, is there an accident up ahead?” Big Forest whispered to himself, “Brothers, today I’ve got the 'slow lane'. It’d be great if you drove as safely as I do!"
………..
      "Small truck xxxx335, please pull to the side and stop. Stop!" The police car drew closer as its speakers blared out this order.
      "Small truck xxxx335, please pull to the side and stop. Stop!...
      “My God, xxxx335, that’s my van,” Big Forest thought. “Have I done something illegal? They forced me to slow down and now they’ve pulled me over.
      The police officer 'popped' a salute. "Step out of the van, sir, and produce your driver license. We’re going to test you for alcohol!"
      "What? – I have my license. It’s class A2. And I haven’t been drinking!" Big Forest was puzzled.
      "Then why were you weaving? It’s pretty dangerous!" One of the policemen started to chew him out. "And you were going slower than the minimum speed. In fact you were going ‘tractor speed’. That’s a serious violation!”
      "What kind of vehicle did you thing you were driving?” The other police solemnly, "We were locked onto you for over twenty minutes!"
      "Ah! It’s like this – When I got on the expressway, my engine suddenly lost power. I couldn’t get up to car speed.” Big Forest hurried to explain. "I’m in a hurry to get to the airport to deliver some stuff. The plane won’t wait for me, you know. I hope you’ll understand. It’s an emergency!”
      "No dice! You need to get to a repair shop immediately. Understand? Who’ll understand when you get into an accident?" The policeman had almost turned hostile. "Safety! Do you understand safety?!"
      "Thanks for the reminder, Officer. Well, I’ve missed the plane. What should I do?” Big Forest was sweating profusely, completely at a loss.
      The police finished their inspection and found nothing unusual. The two officers took another look at Big Forest’s express air waybill and at his helpless expression.
      "Get back in your vehicle. We’ll give you a police escort to the nearest airport entrance! – When you get your vehicle inspected at the end of the month, you’ll have to pay a fine first and then attend traffic school!" The policeman was completely serious.
      The other policeman turned around and gestured sharply at Big Forest. "Remember," he shouted, "'Grandpa's cars' that go under sixty are, not, allowed, on, the, expressway!"
      His feelings mixed, Big Forest tittered in embarrassment. He followed the police escort closely as it drove toward the airport with its siren blaring....

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8. Lawsuit (官司)

      One day a butterfly was stung by a bee.
      The butterfly filed a complaint in Animal Court. It alleged: "I was going by the beehive and some of the bees chased me and stung me. I told one, “Carrying 'guns' and ganging up on people, aren’t you a menace to society?”
      In court, the judge solemnly asked, "Bee, why did you sting someone?"
      The bee argued in his defense, "Your Honor, I really didn’t intend to carry an illegal ‘gun’. In the bee family we traditionally make sweets. We run a honey factory. There’ll often be some lawless elements who keep coming around to freeload, people who've tasted the 'sweetness'. They leave us no alternative. We had to develop these 'guns' for ourselves. And it's legitimate self-defense, in line with the relevant laws...."
….
     The honorable judge noted that the two were set to argue endlessly, so he issued a judgment right then and there. "Is honey really so sweet? That it should produce such a disturbance? These days we need careful consideration, harmony and unity. Regarding the matter of the bee stinging someone, since the disagreement between the two is so deep, we will review the matter again after the autumn season…."
      Upon returning to the hive, the bee told the queen bee what had happened. The queen buzzed back and forth with her forelegs behind her back, muttering "Is honey really so sweet?" Then she ordered her bees to bring out the first-rate honey they'd been saving in the backyard to pass the winter. She directed the bees do this and that....
      At the conclusion of the second trial, the honorable judge announced: "The butterfly harbored an intent to commit theft and brought the trouble upon itself; It was reasonable for the bees to carry guns in defense. Now the vast sea will be the boundary: The honeybees' territory will be north of the sea, the butterflies' territory will be to the south. (The butterflies cannot fly over the sea.) The two clans must not have contact with each other or cause trouble."
      The trial was concluded.

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9. Old Cow's Surprise (老牛大惊)

      Old Cow, the cattle boss, is a sixty-year-old man. Yesterday he got married again, to a young one! Everyone's whispering, "the old cow's eating some tender grass!"
      These days anyone with a few "tenners" in his pants pocket is a cool dude. Even if they're just walking and talking it's "the new lifestyle"! They'll inevitably brag about how capable they are. They'll talk up their pretty young mistresses and, what's more, they'll give vivid descriptions of how the young women are carrying their kids!
      Old Man Wang has known Old Cow since the two were bare-assed little kids. He's had some bad luck recently, and things aren't looking as good for him as they are for Old Cow. Right now he's got a cigarette butt dangling from his mouth and is looking at Old Cow out of the corner of his eye.
      "Really?" Old Man Wang gestures at Old Cow. "Is it your kid your young one's carrying?"
      "I'll tell you a story," Old Man Wang continues, calm and unhurried. "A hunter out on the prairie encountered a famished spotted leopard. He immediately grabbed his rifle off his back and took aim. However, he realized right away that he'd made a mistake. It wasn't his rifle he'd grabbed, it was his umbrella. It was too late to go for the gun now, though, because the leopard had already bounded right up in front of him. There was nothing he could do but pretend that the umbrella was a gun, point it at the leopard and shout, "Bang! Bang! Bang!" at the top of his lungs. Miracle of miracles, that leopard fell right over and died."
      "Ha! How could that be?" cried Old Cow, "Must've been someone else there who shot the leopard!"
      "That's what I think, too!" Old Man Wang said, slowly and clearly.

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10. Onlookers (围观)

      A reservoir, a provincial highway, a village, some travelers.
      Suddenly a loud shout comes from the left side of the levee: “Fight!”
      Children who love to spread the word and adults with nothing better to do slowly move closer. In the main, anyone out for a stroll to enjoy the spring weather must be idle and have nothing that needs doing, so they all crowd around, and in a flash they’re three rows deep on all sides. Men, women and children from both sides of the village can see from a distance that something’s happening, so they come flooding out for a look, especially since it’s at the place where the provincial road intersects the reservoir. They’re used to the idea that “must be another accident there!”
      There’s a racket coming from the center of the crowd, sometimes more noisy and sometimes less. And as the crowd gets bigger, traffic gets jammed up. Cars on the government road are lined up in a long queue. Curious drivers and meddlesome passengers, wondering what’s up, walk down to find out.
      People in the center of the crowd want to leave, and people on the outside want to get closer. One pushes and the other crowds, like they’re late for something. The situation gets worse when someone shouts, “Don’t shove, I’ll fall in the water!” A Reservoir Rescue ship with a heavily armed contingent rushes over to prevent the unexpected.
      Before one wave smooths out, another one rises. Police car sirens roar up from the distance and the crowd turns to look. Motorcycles curve around and draw near the crowd, and a loud voice shouts, "Make way! Make way! What’s going on?!" People push aside immediately and the car begins to creep in. The police separate the crowd and the car gets to the center in seconds——
      It turns out two kids are in a grappling match!

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11. The
Porridge Festival and Singles' Day (腊八节又遇小光棍节)

      "Girl, you been lookin' real mod lately. Really flashy. All dressed up, the guys'll all be lookin'." Big Forest showed Ice a playful smile.
      Ice grinned and tossed off a comment, "Just you lookin', what of it?" Then she laughed out loud.
      "Oh, wicked cool. Little girls're gettin' cooler all the time. Prettier, too. Heh, heh. They got the money." Big Forest was pushing her buttons.
      "Wow, Big Brother needs to understand being fashionable. It's not called having money, it's called having assets.... Get it?"
      "Ah…."
....
      Big Forest looked over his reflection in the glass door to see if he was getting older.
....
      He and Ice met face to face in the hall and sat down soon thereafter.

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12. Con Man, You're a Rookie! (骗子,你嫩了点!)

      "Dad, I stayed out too late last night, and did some things I shouldn't've done. I got arrested by public security, and they want five thousand yuan bail payable to Constable Big Mountain Zhang's account: 605135xxxxxxx. Don't call, it wouldn't be convenient. We'll talk when I get out. Hurry!"
      Big Forest smiled when he saw the text message. –– "All I have's a daughter, twelve years old this year. Where'd this son come from? The wife checks up on me almost every day, and if she sees this text message, how'll I get off the hook? Bastard con man, this is a real pain! Well, my good 'son', you're heartless but I'm not righteous."
      Big Forest immediately sent a reply. "Son, with our family's finances the way they are, and you're adding to the troubles? Is five thousand enough?"
      His "son": "Five thousand will do it. Hurry up and send the money to save me – Dad, I screwed up!"
      Big Forest: "Son, your grandmother died young. Your grandpa has cancer and is on his last legs! Do you want to use the money?"
      His "son": "Ah ... yes ...."
      Big Forest: "Your mom ran off with some stinko and you've had no one to discipline you since you were a kid. I'm your father so I'm responsible! Can you do something for the family?"
      His "son": "Uh.... you're really in a bad way. Can you tough it out? Unless you're a con man, too!"
      "No, I'm not one of you. I'm your senior! You were still wearing open crotch pants when this 'old man' made his debut!"
....
      Big Forest waited a long time but didn't get another text message from his "son".
      Then he muttered, "Bastard con man, you wanted to play with me, but you're a rookie!"

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13. Speaking of the Chief (也说科长)

      Manager Wang had just been appointed to the Business Affairs Section. He vowed to make full use of all his talents.
      On his first day, he walked back and forth looking over the employees, and something caught his attention – the direction the desks in the office were facing left something to be desired. It wasn't ideal at all. The office staff puzzled over it for a long time. The original layout, “sitting to the west facing east”, had been altered decisively and radically to “sitting to the east facing west".
      The idea that a good start is half the battle really makes sense, and Manager Wang proceeded with his job from that premise.
      One day I went to the Business Affairs Section to turn in a form. When I got to the doorway, the most noticeable thing was a sign stuck on the inside of the door’s small window, with the words “Non-Work Visits Prohibited” in red, regular style script. It was slightly faded, and some of the characters were highlighted.
       I tapped on the door and went in. I saw – three outsiders I didn’t recognize in a small-stakes game of mahjongg with the Section Chief. One of them, a middle-aged fellow, said, "Hurry up, guys, we can play a few more hands!"
      The Chief took my form and signed it. A furtive atmosphere filled the room, besides which I didn’t know much about mahjongg and nothing about where these “outsiders” were coming from. There was a distinct possibility that they’d been invited there to keep the Chief entertained and I was afraid I was spoiling their mood. I made to beat a hasty retreat.
      Right at that moment, one of the others spoke up. "My young friend, please close the door on your way out!”
      I did just that. Outside I turned around and that “Non-Work Visits Prohibited” sign was suddenly staring me right in the face. Could I have become a non-work visitor? I laughed. Weren’t they using the term as a "metaphor"?
      The next week I again went to turn in a form. As I approached the doorway, I warned myself in all seriousness not to just barge in today. Then I raised my hand and got ready to knock on the door –

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14. Unexpected (意外)

      My precious baby girl, Ice – a wealthy businessman sees her as his own daughter. When she was almost at an age suitable for marriage and starting a family, the entire family discussed the matter several times and decided to publish a notice online and in the newspaper that she was seeking a husband.
      Ice looked over the responses first. She decided that only three of the men were worthy of further consideration. The wealthy businessman was to make the final decision as to which of these three passed the last hurdle.
      The wealthy businessmen looked at the three young men to make the call.... to find a competent, top-flight business assistant; to take care of the business and build a firm foundation for the future; and even more, to provide support for his precious daughter throughout her life. “Now I’d like to ask the three of you sitting here: Why do you want to marry my precious daughter?"
     Young A was a “second generation official”’ that is, the son of a high-ranking government official. "Sir,” he said, “my family is rich and powerful.... I can guarantee that Ice will have a good life!”
      The wealthy businessmen nodded.
      Young B was "second generation rich”, that is, he was the scion of a family that got rich after China opened up to the West. “Sir,” he said, "I was born into a wealthy family. What I have is money.... I’ll give Ice a good life!”
      The wealthy businessmen nodded again.
      Young C was a poverty-stricken but talented student. "Ice and I are classmates,” he said. “The two of us are young and don't have a clue, but l can make her happy. Right now I really don’t have anything. I’m a pauper. But I see hope ... because I have a son...."
      "Huh? A son?" The rich businessman was completely perplexed. He looked at the young man and asked, "What, are you divorced?"
      Young C explained politely and truthfully. “No, sir, I’m single.... But your daughter's carrying my son...."

http://blog.tianya.cn/blog-3471548-2.shtml

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15. Who’s a Perv? (谁是小流氓)

      Old Wang, who lives across the street, came up to our door with his precious young son Big Forest in his arms. The boy was crying –– Old Wang said my son had beaten his son!
      Now that was strange. Usually, when there was a fight, it was my son who came home crying. Had the tables been turned today? But Big Forest was ten years old, and my son was eight. Could my son really have beaten his son?
      Lao Wang had good reason to say what he did. Big Forest was crying and howling. The tears were raining down his cheeks, and there was no doubt he’d been beaten bad.
      Truth is, Old Wang and I were long-time neighbors and I was quite familiar with him. Most of the time he never got angry. Seeing as how there was a battle today, though, he was going to set things right no matter what.
      I showed him to a seat but stayed standing. I handed him a cigarette but didn’t smoke one myself. One has to do the polite formalities with a smiling face. When my wife saw him, in order to resolve the matter, she tried to smooth things over as quickly as possible by asking our son right away, “Why’d this happen?”
      Our son said, “I didn’t do anything wrong! Don’t blame me!”
      My wife got really mad. “This kid's so hard-headed, can’t even get a word of apology out of him! Isn’t that obstinate as all get out? He’s got so much face you can’t budge him with a pole.”
      All of a sudden she reached out and grabbed a broom. She poked our son with it twice, once to teach him a lesson, and a second time to get some face back for Old Wang. At that our boy rubbed himself hard where it hurt, squeezed out some tears, and fixed his sobbing eyes on Big Forest. “Mama, I won’t wear elastic-belt pants anymore!”
      The adults were at a loss. Had these two kids been fighting about wearing elastic-belt pants?
      "Big Forest pulled my pants down, and the girls laughed at me and called me a little perv!" My son was speaking from the bottom of his heart and choking back the sobs.
      Big Forest immediately looked down at the floor.
      When Old Wang saw that, he understood what had happened. He chewed Big Forest out, called him a “little fart” a couple of times, and said he’d get his when they went home. Then he walked toward home rapidly, pushing Big Forest in front of him.
      I was all smiles as I saw him to the door.
      My wife felt so sorry for our son that it hurt. She turned around and hugged him tightly. "Don’t cry, son, tomorrow I’ll buy you a pair of pants with a leather belt...."

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